The Devils at my Back

I thought, 2 hours, climb volcano, possibly difficult, a challenge certainly, but that I could take my time, like traversing a park. But oh not so. I thought as we took the near vertical first ascent, I am the weakest link, as the only older outofshape person elected a horse, and the rest of the crew outfitted in patagonia, and card carrying members of ¨adventure´ magazine... am I in real trouble here¿ Yes. 2 hours and 20 minutes straight up with a few dips and turns. A pack of devils. A man at one with the mountain. Dogs and the driver with the silver shot gun.

Possibly arrogance and a certain plucky ambivalence got me to the volcano, but it was my pride than Jesus and his angels that got me to the top. Fucking volcano!

The rest of the tour quickly took the lead and I kept waiting for the pack horses to pass me, but no they were waiting to pick me off. At first I thought this is insane, the masses of horses pushing up the path with me, then I got angry as they literally nipped at my heels and the pace was hard enough to drive my pulse into my ears. And each time I stopped the men on the horses said, ´´horse for you? It´s easy? No, time. Up in no time. Taxi. Taxi. Taxi.´´ But I shook my head and soldiered on. ¨Are you spanish¿´´ They asked. ´´taxi?´´ NO. I said. But as it became more difficult and the pace more furious, the group got to rest, just so I could catch up. And being in the front to set the pace became impossible no matter what the guide tried. Soon everyone knew my name, they became intermittently concerned, ´´Are you ok? Take deep breathes.´´ And my now BFF english friends Lee and Lucy kept an eye on me but mostly abandoned me to the pace. And the more the guide and the men on the horses saw me stop to catch my breath, and the more I refused, the men on the horses began to jeer at me and taunt me with every step firmly placed over root, between rock, up, up, up into the mountain we went. ´´Mi Amiga, horse for you. It´s easy.´´ They laughed. Jeered. Laughed again. And I looked back at one point and saw one of the mens faces lit up and scrunched in a sneer. And then I knew what they were.

And why I could not, no matter what, accept.

A woman named Kerry descended from her pace, and yelled at them, she doesn´t need your bloody horse! ´´You can do this,´´she said. I nodded, sucking in air through my nose and out through my mouth. The older woman on horseback began to talk to the men on horse back in broken spanish. ´´This is no good, not nice.´´ They said, ah meuy bien. Taxi. It´s good. It´s easy.

But Kerry continued to yell at them and I stayed the course until near the summit it was just me in the quiet, of the wind rushing down the mountain, and Kerry at my ear, you´re doing a good job. Just one foot in front of you. Don´t look too ahead. I nodded. I said, ´´I´m catching my breath.´´

And at the plateau before the push onward onto the volcanic slope. She said, you made it. You made it! Look. And she spun me around. And I saw God´s gloriousness as I stood level with another volcano and above the clouds, and the sun setting. And I thought, I could cry. I could hug Kerry. But it was when i turned to the left and saw my shadow, even with me on the slope that a few tears might have dropped. And the mist of the mountain went rushing down.

I came to the group and felt bad for being the weakest one there, or maybe the strongest for my persistence... and how much without struggle they could never know. And the guide in broken english said something about being positive. And I seemed to have earned his respect. I nodded and smiled.

I thought this is far enough, but we kept walking, one foot in front of another through now difficult volcanic ash and rubble. And the wind nearly pushing us down and off and the sweat bringing a chill on this otherworldly atmosphere. I stopped. I started. I kept on. I saw the lava streaming down the mountain. This is far enough I said. I stopped. I took pictures. But I kept on over the rocks, and kicking up dust around my firmly planted feet. And I saw the group in the distance and thought I did not need to go there, but I did. And kerry came rushing toward me and said, you made it! I´m so glad you came! Did I want a marshmallow. Come, come warm yourself by the fire. As the lava pushed and cooled and tumbled down.

The challenge back down was nothing. (And that was in the pitchdark with a minimaglite)