Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mood Stablizer,

Am i even spelling that right? So things not to do first week on the job? Catch the death flu. Spend following week miserable and contemplate quitting and saying things like, My God what have I done? The picture below was what my heart looked like. There was a storm in my head also and my soul was getting frostbite. It was bad. There was no warm place, no central heating at work and my heated floors were cold.
It moves you to do irrational things like have fake lays potato chips, lattes out of a convinience store machine and snicker bars for dinner. Never in my life really. It's another first. It all tasted like watery ash in my mouth.
another poor choice- it was way too spicey.

 i mean it was fun to have snow build up onto my scarves and seer my eyes with cold but still...
But by this last Saturday I'm feeling better despite the mortifying reality of completely going MIA on my last class. Finally get to bond with J my flatmate (aka upstairs neighbor/fellow teacher). We head to Shin, a foreigner hub and apparently the location of a posh and vast starbucks, which once i saw it i pressed my hands to the glass and stared longingly until we found our way back there after the bus passed by it, oh also, a burger king and quiznos. Oh and a mega-e-mart. Sort of like our targets. That's where i accidentally bought $17 of beef. I was overloaded, overstimulated and of course completely forgetting i only had $60 on my creditcard. The 17,000 didn't mean anything. I dont know if i even saw it. I didnt even see it until i was staring at the -allinkorean- receipt and was asking myself WHAT was $17!!! I couldnt even remember until i saw the package as i was putting all my stuff away. J saved the day because my bill was double that and my card was no bueno- but i was still thinking- wait, brain? please i want you back. I don't know why were fighting but please come back. Let's talk it out. I'm sure we can compromise. I mean i gave it sbux before we even went. J treated to lunch and to coffee! and to dinner the next day. I felt so taken care of. It was bliss. Focus brain. Focus. Do i resent having to buy a broom, small dustbin and laundry detergent, yes. But i'll get over it. The $10 cab ride home was worth it. Don't hold it against me. And J and myself had some pretty fabulous talks, isn't winter over yet? Hasn't the ice melts begun?.

The next day J was up for a small hike up the oreum (aka hill where lava once was but is now covered in trees and on this particular one a couple temples, a fantastic view, and on the backside i will reluctantly tell you, a dogfarm. i asked j- she's like come on you know. don't make me say it. i know i don't know what to say. it is what it is? i hate that phrase. i dont' know. it did marr the vibe. i said, in heaven we'll talk this all out but for now...) It was a good hike though. Didn't completely do me in but was lacking that wilderness i needed. I really wanted to come up here too- the first day. I'll go again, but it left me wanting. We haven't gone to the top so i'll give that a chance before i go back to my sea and flatland loving way. Maybe i expected too much. We can leave the glory for the volcano and not it's children. It just lacked the totality of peace but the temple sites did have that quiet wind swishing through the trees goodness i love. We made our way back down and ran into some brits that J knows, and are the only people so far who care that i'm from hollywood. The k kids just stare at me like- what? where? who cares? Not canada? No? ok. 12 hours on a plane!? Horror.





After some more fantastic and soul thawing conversation, syncing up our thoughts over work (same/same- confirmed, expounded on and them some) and the spiritual messanger service that seems to be beating on Sg's door though she won't answer, we ate pad thai, fries and chicken cutlets, with some post dinner coffee, a view of the ocean and christian music playing over the speaker system. Another beautiful day. But still that anxious chest feeling of what will come on monday never left. But we can't have everything. We'll call it good, even if not even.

3 comments:

pen said...

love. and so many delicious photos. and what a terrible, ohso February first week...

ek said...

glad there's good stuff to write about today! : ) Love the picture of the glass of water and coffee cup with the blue sky behind them! Gorgeous shot.
Sending lots of hugs to you...hope there's enough bandwith to handle it. ; )

somebody's mom said...

brr and lovely shots. Three cheers to outings with friends.