While the tailess brindle colored girl is mine, it does freak me out a bit to have her. I did imagine that I'd adopt a straycat, which is crazy enough that it's come true, but where i'd feed it by the door and pet it and it would go on its way. Not the howling visitation that came in Compline last night.
I forget now what I was watching, maybe reading Dickens, Curiousity Shop online and heard the distant mews, until they came closer into plantive cries, turned incessant cries, turned freaked the eff out cries. I opened the window and saw the cat skitter near a tree on the sidewalk toward a smaller inner courtyard and look directly at me, as if it was drowning in the water and i was a far away ship. I could see the wheels turning of how exactly the cat wanted to navigate uptoward my 2nd story window. I thought for a minute, crap, crap, crap. It was so cold I could tell. -5?/20 with the windchill. Why was the cat in such distress? Maybe it'd had enough of the cold or hadn't been outside for that long? Or had gotten locked out of a house somehow? I don't know. But I went down as i saw it cowering against the wind in very uncat like fashion. It seemed like it was being chased or tormented somehow. I'm not sure. But that was the spirit of it. So i shluffed on my winter coat and the cat only hesitated about 1 second before letting me scoop it up as it slightly trembled and looked at me-
Once I got the kitten warmed up I was overwhelmed with that weird emotional thing I sometimes have in regards to animals suffering or being in the world. It kills me. It hurts my heart. It brings tears to my eyes. The other day I imagined a magpie dying i the bushes on the ground, on the way to work and was being nudged by his partner and I felt so sad I started to cry. . . Or even when I think of God taking care of the animals, it's all too much. For someone not in peta and that eats meat and isnt an activist i have a strong stewards streak that borders on painful when i think of caring for them. I picked the burrs out of her coat. Tried to get whatever oily dirt was on her neck and checked her ears and teeth. She seemed besides being really thirsty and hungry in ok shape. She couldn't have been a stray for long. I fed her an egg and then got up after a restless night of cat crawling on me and snuggling next to me and purring constantly, went downstairs and got some tuna to feed her. She's still pretty hungry but still. Then I continued to contemplate what to do. I thought for a moment she wanted to go out. She followed me down the stairs and then she struggled a bit as i picked her up and walked her toward the clear glass door of my apt. I opened it and we stood there- and then she just started to growl. Growl at whatever was out there. I'm not sure. It was the most curious and definitive sign. I sighed and we went backupstairs.
Then i went to try church out and she gave me a sad nervous look. Oddly enough I found, it's one of the only English services on the island? It's about 10min. from my house and one of my coteachers goes to the korean services there And i ran into two students who recognized me from the school. What are the chances eh? I ask. The girl said, she was happy and I asked her where the english services were, she pointed and i hope was glad to be of help, because I could tell she was sad she couldn't communicate more. In the service I was overwhelmed with God's love and the impracticality of foreign cat ownership. And felt so burdened by what I'm sure is a gift? I was teary and distraught all through the story up until the guy talked about getting a gift out of nowhere and he started to cry and then i started to cry. It was too much. I finally I think after a contemplative starbucks journey and a short nap on the way home, decided that she is mine while i have her. For however long that is. But to me the pressure is crushing- i think of vets, spaying, i think of communicating, taxis, and paying, and cat carriers and food and entertaining an apt cat, and far in the future of leaving, and my head explodes.
I think the thought of me being a transition for the kitten makes it seem a bit easier. Take steps to find owner. Pass out flyers. Ask at work for help with said flyer. Then after that consider vet visit. Start asking forum and other expats if they want to adopt a cat and go from there. She's currently snuggled under the blanket at my feet. She thinks this is her place and wonders why i haven't fed her yet. Living in the moment can be brutal.
Anyway the sermon was all about being an ambassador, not just a tourist. Good points on focusing how i feel about school and besides a slightly offkilter vibe from one of the main pastors it all seemed to be just what i need. Small, relaxed, and familiar- song/song/sermon/song/song... the apostles creed surprisingly and then unfortunately people noticing that i'm new right away even though i didn't raise my hand and start talking to me. I did want to be invited to lunch for some weird reason but that didn't happen. I was honest about how things have been going- stressful at school, adopted a straycat last night, no i don't want to get a car, yes i am from hollywood, etc etc. It'll be interesting to see what develops as I keep going.
Blah i'm blathering- tonight i'm going over to the lighthouse. Get some food and some coffee maybe. And then come on home to watch my shows.
much love.
(oh and ps. mom you know the smell thing- this place doesn't smell to me. it doesn't even smell like the sea to me. strangely enough after i'd cooked onions in the a.m. and then went to work and put the same shirt back on i could still smell the deliciousness, but this place no smell- so far quiet, can't quite see the stars, the wind- loud. the traffic intermittent, the people sporadic, the camillias starting to bloom, the onions and the lettuce growing in the lava rocked lined akimbo fields... what else. what else.)
I forget now what I was watching, maybe reading Dickens, Curiousity Shop online and heard the distant mews, until they came closer into plantive cries, turned incessant cries, turned freaked the eff out cries. I opened the window and saw the cat skitter near a tree on the sidewalk toward a smaller inner courtyard and look directly at me, as if it was drowning in the water and i was a far away ship. I could see the wheels turning of how exactly the cat wanted to navigate uptoward my 2nd story window. I thought for a minute, crap, crap, crap. It was so cold I could tell. -5?/20 with the windchill. Why was the cat in such distress? Maybe it'd had enough of the cold or hadn't been outside for that long? Or had gotten locked out of a house somehow? I don't know. But I went down as i saw it cowering against the wind in very uncat like fashion. It seemed like it was being chased or tormented somehow. I'm not sure. But that was the spirit of it. So i shluffed on my winter coat and the cat only hesitated about 1 second before letting me scoop it up as it slightly trembled and looked at me-
Once I got the kitten warmed up I was overwhelmed with that weird emotional thing I sometimes have in regards to animals suffering or being in the world. It kills me. It hurts my heart. It brings tears to my eyes. The other day I imagined a magpie dying i the bushes on the ground, on the way to work and was being nudged by his partner and I felt so sad I started to cry. . . Or even when I think of God taking care of the animals, it's all too much. For someone not in peta and that eats meat and isnt an activist i have a strong stewards streak that borders on painful when i think of caring for them. I picked the burrs out of her coat. Tried to get whatever oily dirt was on her neck and checked her ears and teeth. She seemed besides being really thirsty and hungry in ok shape. She couldn't have been a stray for long. I fed her an egg and then got up after a restless night of cat crawling on me and snuggling next to me and purring constantly, went downstairs and got some tuna to feed her. She's still pretty hungry but still. Then I continued to contemplate what to do. I thought for a moment she wanted to go out. She followed me down the stairs and then she struggled a bit as i picked her up and walked her toward the clear glass door of my apt. I opened it and we stood there- and then she just started to growl. Growl at whatever was out there. I'm not sure. It was the most curious and definitive sign. I sighed and we went backupstairs.
Then i went to try church out and she gave me a sad nervous look. Oddly enough I found, it's one of the only English services on the island? It's about 10min. from my house and one of my coteachers goes to the korean services there And i ran into two students who recognized me from the school. What are the chances eh? I ask. The girl said, she was happy and I asked her where the english services were, she pointed and i hope was glad to be of help, because I could tell she was sad she couldn't communicate more. In the service I was overwhelmed with God's love and the impracticality of foreign cat ownership. And felt so burdened by what I'm sure is a gift? I was teary and distraught all through the story up until the guy talked about getting a gift out of nowhere and he started to cry and then i started to cry. It was too much. I finally I think after a contemplative starbucks journey and a short nap on the way home, decided that she is mine while i have her. For however long that is. But to me the pressure is crushing- i think of vets, spaying, i think of communicating, taxis, and paying, and cat carriers and food and entertaining an apt cat, and far in the future of leaving, and my head explodes.
I think the thought of me being a transition for the kitten makes it seem a bit easier. Take steps to find owner. Pass out flyers. Ask at work for help with said flyer. Then after that consider vet visit. Start asking forum and other expats if they want to adopt a cat and go from there. She's currently snuggled under the blanket at my feet. She thinks this is her place and wonders why i haven't fed her yet. Living in the moment can be brutal.
Anyway the sermon was all about being an ambassador, not just a tourist. Good points on focusing how i feel about school and besides a slightly offkilter vibe from one of the main pastors it all seemed to be just what i need. Small, relaxed, and familiar- song/song/sermon/song/song... the apostles creed surprisingly and then unfortunately people noticing that i'm new right away even though i didn't raise my hand and start talking to me. I did want to be invited to lunch for some weird reason but that didn't happen. I was honest about how things have been going- stressful at school, adopted a straycat last night, no i don't want to get a car, yes i am from hollywood, etc etc. It'll be interesting to see what develops as I keep going.
Blah i'm blathering- tonight i'm going over to the lighthouse. Get some food and some coffee maybe. And then come on home to watch my shows.
much love.
(oh and ps. mom you know the smell thing- this place doesn't smell to me. it doesn't even smell like the sea to me. strangely enough after i'd cooked onions in the a.m. and then went to work and put the same shirt back on i could still smell the deliciousness, but this place no smell- so far quiet, can't quite see the stars, the wind- loud. the traffic intermittent, the people sporadic, the camillias starting to bloom, the onions and the lettuce growing in the lava rocked lined akimbo fields... what else. what else.)
3 comments:
it never happens quite like we imagine it... poor kitty. no matter how it ends, i'm glad she found you.
Strange that the place doesn't have a smell. Will the warm sun of spring bring the ocean smell? Drying seaweed in the summer sun should add a level of interest, or maybe the farmers scoop it all up.
Hi Karen!! Hear, hear, Pen! I'm glad she found you too.
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