I wake up on time, not like this last Thursday, when E ringing my obnoxiously loud doorbell- for a place that isn't that big, (a knock will do really) and i'm staring at him in my pajamas and blurry vision, having quickly paused my korean drama and assessed the situation, enough to know that i had pants on and that oh, CLICK, i forgot i was going to immigration today to get tagged, scanned, and apparently picture rejected because it doesn't show my ears?! the fuck. So then we had to go to the digital photo place and get my picture taken with no makeup and eyes glazed. I contemplated later that the flushed look and watery eyes might make for a more vibrant picture but I dont know. Well at least i'm officially registered or the chip's been implanted. Whatevs.
So he drives me in the van over to the hospital, a place that in any country, no matter what i can tell i don't like, a place i don't want to be the minute we cross the threshhold. I'm pretty much an appendage at this point as i just blankly stare around me and he talks to various people, fills out forms and attaches my photograph to paperwork, so that if i ever turn up dead or in the papers they should be able to find me... wait, my identity- well you know what i mean- So i go to the nurses station and they make everyone who is in the hospital for whatever reason change into patient clothes- these salmony pink heavy canvased type things- of course nothing there fits me. They concede to let me wear my pants but are convinced I can wear the top. I shouldve kept my bra on but i decided to risk the scantily clad thing with a clever tie that fits not at my waist but more like right below my breasts, that in another context, fabric and color, this might actually be fashionable what with the pockets, collar and tie... nevertheless it's barely holding in there as my vision is checked, blood pressure, color blindness, weighed/heighted and what not- none of the details were actually related to me so I can't tell you at all how i did on any of the aforementioned, though i could've asked E to read the findings to me, then i had to go get blood drawn rather informally across a desk, then my chest x-rayed- i love that they all sort of assume i might be able to speak korean. It's actually sort of nice. I want to say marron-neh-da but my raised eyebrows commincates too well for me. They don't even give me a bandaid, which i find the most offensive part as i go from waiting area to waiting area, and at one point down a flight of stairs while holding my hand over my top- just in case- and then the doctor, whose english is ok- suspect but ok, enough to ask if i have diabeties- which i dont think would bar me from the country, but maybe he assumed? and then asked if i had any allergies- but when i told him he couldn't understand what i was saying- and then when i wrote it down and he figured it out he was almost bored or irritated for having gone through the trouble- and then finished checking my breathing and was like, ok have fun. bye bye. but before all that the guy who took my blood said blah blah, window, blah blah, ok? i was like, sure? I'll figure it out. I look at the papercup he hands me gesturing- nothing at all like the plastic fortified things that are labeled and from what i remember placed in cabinets discreetly- but that has to be what it's for right? so of course, i encounter my 2nd squat toilet and i'm laughing, half-dressed as i am, that i have to squat, and catch? at the same time. well ok. i may say that i did rather well despite my fears and initial apprehension and that i was really dehydrated. I swear it's taken on a different sort of color since i've been here- which now might actually cause me to worry a bit- i'll have to webmd it to find out- but anyway then i see the little window and i just slide the cup out and leave it to fend for itsself and the guy is like window? and i'm like, yah, window. Shaking my head at the rather matter of factness of it all, and then an hour later am back home and getting ready for my first day at the school.
ps. we got the results yesterday- i totally passed. I guess? Everything said, negative but for what? I had sort of hoped they would test for other things and say, oh well you're not a drug addict but did you notice that you totally have X? and i'd be all what!? but no, that didn't happen.
So he drives me in the van over to the hospital, a place that in any country, no matter what i can tell i don't like, a place i don't want to be the minute we cross the threshhold. I'm pretty much an appendage at this point as i just blankly stare around me and he talks to various people, fills out forms and attaches my photograph to paperwork, so that if i ever turn up dead or in the papers they should be able to find me... wait, my identity- well you know what i mean- So i go to the nurses station and they make everyone who is in the hospital for whatever reason change into patient clothes- these salmony pink heavy canvased type things- of course nothing there fits me. They concede to let me wear my pants but are convinced I can wear the top. I shouldve kept my bra on but i decided to risk the scantily clad thing with a clever tie that fits not at my waist but more like right below my breasts, that in another context, fabric and color, this might actually be fashionable what with the pockets, collar and tie... nevertheless it's barely holding in there as my vision is checked, blood pressure, color blindness, weighed/heighted and what not- none of the details were actually related to me so I can't tell you at all how i did on any of the aforementioned, though i could've asked E to read the findings to me, then i had to go get blood drawn rather informally across a desk, then my chest x-rayed- i love that they all sort of assume i might be able to speak korean. It's actually sort of nice. I want to say marron-neh-da but my raised eyebrows commincates too well for me. They don't even give me a bandaid, which i find the most offensive part as i go from waiting area to waiting area, and at one point down a flight of stairs while holding my hand over my top- just in case- and then the doctor, whose english is ok- suspect but ok, enough to ask if i have diabeties- which i dont think would bar me from the country, but maybe he assumed? and then asked if i had any allergies- but when i told him he couldn't understand what i was saying- and then when i wrote it down and he figured it out he was almost bored or irritated for having gone through the trouble- and then finished checking my breathing and was like, ok have fun. bye bye. but before all that the guy who took my blood said blah blah, window, blah blah, ok? i was like, sure? I'll figure it out. I look at the papercup he hands me gesturing- nothing at all like the plastic fortified things that are labeled and from what i remember placed in cabinets discreetly- but that has to be what it's for right? so of course, i encounter my 2nd squat toilet and i'm laughing, half-dressed as i am, that i have to squat, and catch? at the same time. well ok. i may say that i did rather well despite my fears and initial apprehension and that i was really dehydrated. I swear it's taken on a different sort of color since i've been here- which now might actually cause me to worry a bit- i'll have to webmd it to find out- but anyway then i see the little window and i just slide the cup out and leave it to fend for itsself and the guy is like window? and i'm like, yah, window. Shaking my head at the rather matter of factness of it all, and then an hour later am back home and getting ready for my first day at the school.
ps. we got the results yesterday- i totally passed. I guess? Everything said, negative but for what? I had sort of hoped they would test for other things and say, oh well you're not a drug addict but did you notice that you totally have X? and i'd be all what!? but no, that didn't happen.
2 comments:
oh my. I love the part about gesturing with the plastic cup. full-on charades there? please say yes - wait, no.
ugh with the garment. I feel like this whole situation would be one of the more awkward ones to endure in a foreign country, glad you persevered.
and what do you mean about the ears. it's like in the state of VA, where for your dl you can smile - but not with teeth. wtf. somewhere, some time, administators held a meeting to deliberate these rules and again I say, wtf.
yah they have those same horrible passport photos do's and don'ts and the girl has her hair tucked behind her ears- are you kidding me? like guys that have hair in front of their ears need to clip it back? i bet not.
oh and no gesturing- i mean he really thought it was all self explanatory except for the window part- when really a whole conversation about an open paper cup really could've ensued.
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