Dust was actually gathering on my camera. Sad.
There's no follow up statement really. It sort of just says it. Maybe i need an assignment. It helps the weather is turning warmer. And that i'll gradually be less consumed with trying to feed myself, find a bank (StILL) and postcards... But nevermind.
Updates- I still have the cat, which i call my ward. I think the korean is neku? It doesn't really roll off the tongue, so I may settle for the korean word for wind which is param (padam- or swallow the r while rolling it a bit and say it really fast) which they said was masculine but well... what to do. Han-ee isn't cutting it, whatever it means. Maybe neku param. One of the teachers without any prompting is calling vets for me and figuring out what i need to do to bring the cat back to the US with me. . . hummmm. I'll leave it at that. Poor cat. All i see is $$$. But i overwhelmingly feel God gave me the cat to take care of- for how long? I don't know. At least I don't have much anxiety about her at the moment. Except for this whole last week when i was pretty sure she was in heat... ach. So,
The classes- they go up and down and in and out like the tides. My problem is severing the emotional tie to said performance. My artistic nerosis is at full peak in these situations. And though today I became completely nervous when the head teacher decided she had time to sit and observe my class, I actually was able to fill the time. She was encouraging though I'm sure her inner perfectionist, i felt, was screaming through her skin. She said, she liked my energy, and said the phrase, you're a great teacher... i read that to mean hypothetically, if not exactly definitively- and then she helped with one lesson I completely didn't know how to communicate, (aka i printed it out, looked at it and thought i'm sure they'll get IT = fail) and said, she would help me with the school objectives... which frankly = what i've been waiting for. It's akin to saying, here let me help you to swim and not just to keep your head above water. And I think she also saw the full demand that 11 students age 5 put on one person in a small space, who are already at rapidly different levels, and with varying moods to ancy, angry, bored, interested, or disheartened- i mean it's not like she doesn't know- but maybe reminded is better? Otherwise the class that i dreaded like i've begun to dread the little ones has turned around in that they know i'm not out to get them or torture them and i had them laughing with my drawing on the board at end... and on the bus ride home thought, hmm i need to bring snacks or something, or what kind of games can we do that help with language and spelling and are rolickingly good fun... tall orders really. Mayhaps pictionary if i remember. And also the kid who was shooting me with a machine gun the other day, started to do it again and i went, whoosh, invisible shield, pingpingping, which got the 2 boys laughing. I know you wanted to know. I mean, no kill teacher, am i right? The only other incident which i'm going to try to relate more regularly as i get my balance- is this one girl is obsessed with my largesse. As we were talking about food just today, she said, as if remarking on some important fact, teacher heavy. I said, yes, teacher heavy. And i laughed. Of course when she tries to poke my stomach i bear hug her and dangle her in the air... as with the wee kiddos who try to lift my shirt up or touch my large earrings, or gasp when i take off my sweater to reveal my (gasp) bare arms. I had to put the sweater back on, it was that distracting.
So besides all that, and teacher, hair long! Y. and teacher, how tall! 175 how many kilos! X to teacher GAME! I am beset every morning by a scorching anxiety. My flatmate J insists that this condition needs to be embraced and not done away with- that our perpetual condition in life should not consist of a linear road on a straight trajectory and that to feel that way is not good or bad but something to be handled and processed. Yes, yes... ok. Lift it up, open it up, talk to it, but who wants it there really, as i've said before. It kills the 4 hours or so i have before classes. up to the stressful 2.5 hours i have lesson planning to the mind numbing and pressured place of teaching where really time does fly and i'm released. And though i've been here about 7wks now entering on 8. I've only been teaching full time for about a month. So whatevs right? And i've had a unprecedented 4 caffe lattes this week on the way home- probably not helping. But anyway, back to downloading, and tell me what you want more updates on-- it's too early for this to already be routine and boring for me. May God grant me the ability to see.
k.
There's no follow up statement really. It sort of just says it. Maybe i need an assignment. It helps the weather is turning warmer. And that i'll gradually be less consumed with trying to feed myself, find a bank (StILL) and postcards... But nevermind.
Updates- I still have the cat, which i call my ward. I think the korean is neku? It doesn't really roll off the tongue, so I may settle for the korean word for wind which is param (padam- or swallow the r while rolling it a bit and say it really fast) which they said was masculine but well... what to do. Han-ee isn't cutting it, whatever it means. Maybe neku param. One of the teachers without any prompting is calling vets for me and figuring out what i need to do to bring the cat back to the US with me. . . hummmm. I'll leave it at that. Poor cat. All i see is $$$. But i overwhelmingly feel God gave me the cat to take care of- for how long? I don't know. At least I don't have much anxiety about her at the moment. Except for this whole last week when i was pretty sure she was in heat... ach. So,
The classes- they go up and down and in and out like the tides. My problem is severing the emotional tie to said performance. My artistic nerosis is at full peak in these situations. And though today I became completely nervous when the head teacher decided she had time to sit and observe my class, I actually was able to fill the time. She was encouraging though I'm sure her inner perfectionist, i felt, was screaming through her skin. She said, she liked my energy, and said the phrase, you're a great teacher... i read that to mean hypothetically, if not exactly definitively- and then she helped with one lesson I completely didn't know how to communicate, (aka i printed it out, looked at it and thought i'm sure they'll get IT = fail) and said, she would help me with the school objectives... which frankly = what i've been waiting for. It's akin to saying, here let me help you to swim and not just to keep your head above water. And I think she also saw the full demand that 11 students age 5 put on one person in a small space, who are already at rapidly different levels, and with varying moods to ancy, angry, bored, interested, or disheartened- i mean it's not like she doesn't know- but maybe reminded is better? Otherwise the class that i dreaded like i've begun to dread the little ones has turned around in that they know i'm not out to get them or torture them and i had them laughing with my drawing on the board at end... and on the bus ride home thought, hmm i need to bring snacks or something, or what kind of games can we do that help with language and spelling and are rolickingly good fun... tall orders really. Mayhaps pictionary if i remember. And also the kid who was shooting me with a machine gun the other day, started to do it again and i went, whoosh, invisible shield, pingpingping, which got the 2 boys laughing. I know you wanted to know. I mean, no kill teacher, am i right? The only other incident which i'm going to try to relate more regularly as i get my balance- is this one girl is obsessed with my largesse. As we were talking about food just today, she said, as if remarking on some important fact, teacher heavy. I said, yes, teacher heavy. And i laughed. Of course when she tries to poke my stomach i bear hug her and dangle her in the air... as with the wee kiddos who try to lift my shirt up or touch my large earrings, or gasp when i take off my sweater to reveal my (gasp) bare arms. I had to put the sweater back on, it was that distracting.
So besides all that, and teacher, hair long! Y. and teacher, how tall! 175 how many kilos! X to teacher GAME! I am beset every morning by a scorching anxiety. My flatmate J insists that this condition needs to be embraced and not done away with- that our perpetual condition in life should not consist of a linear road on a straight trajectory and that to feel that way is not good or bad but something to be handled and processed. Yes, yes... ok. Lift it up, open it up, talk to it, but who wants it there really, as i've said before. It kills the 4 hours or so i have before classes. up to the stressful 2.5 hours i have lesson planning to the mind numbing and pressured place of teaching where really time does fly and i'm released. And though i've been here about 7wks now entering on 8. I've only been teaching full time for about a month. So whatevs right? And i've had a unprecedented 4 caffe lattes this week on the way home- probably not helping. But anyway, back to downloading, and tell me what you want more updates on-- it's too early for this to already be routine and boring for me. May God grant me the ability to see.
k.
2 comments:
amen
I love, love, love the image of you bear hugging those kids and dangling them!! They need that jolt of unexpectedness. Besides, Thorne would approve. You'll have them eating out of your hand before the semester is over.
Post a Comment