Right so, before I get to Jeju-
There's me in the kitchen as my friends become convinced that I absolutely must find somewhere to stay when I get to Seoul. I don't know why it didn't bother me or why I couldn't be bothered. It's possible I'd lost the inability to take on any new information. They were driving me nuts but it was nice to let them do it for me. I think even as I sit here it's a struggle to articulate something that feels like being thrown into a rushing river and defaults me into silence. It's all going by a little too fast, and having been doubled over with waiting for so long- i must still be in that position. It made goodbye easier though. Woo, something is finally happening! And I had become stagnant in everything I love, and things that I liked- lattes, french fries... general depression and restlessness.
Also something i was thinking about yesterday, when God's laid a path for you, it's nothing for you to just walk on it. It doesn't seem radical or crazy. It seems perfectly natural. It's almost hard to waste time trying to explain how obvious it is. Which is probably why I kept thinking, what's all the fuss? What is such a big deal? It's not that far. It's not that long. It's not that much of a change. I will just x-y, and then a-z and that will be that. At a certain point I didn't think I could hold all the love that was being poured out over me at my leaving. I was constantly startled and speechless. I blurted out at a tea on one of the last days that time is gentleness. Which usually and probably never will again feel that sort of thing, but when I think back to teaching overseas out of gradschool and how it seemed too big, too much of everything to now, during a fast, it clicked and I said, yes, without blinking an eye. It's so evident to me of how God has moved me and transformed me. He said, my provision for you is there. And i said, OK. It also blinds you to the obvious recklessness of your position- in bare bones: a random guy that you sort of new in highschool mentions that since you're jobless you should come to teach in koera on FB, having never taught before you say yes after having fasted from meat and sugar for 21 days, because it is clear as the sun setting on the water that's the direction you should go, you spend $300 on fees to do this thing, and then you start talking to strangers on the internet, you apply to a school you've never heard of on a place you've never been, you and they both agree that you should come teach, even though they've never seen you, and don't know if you'll be good but based on a flinty resume and 1 conversation, so you upheave your entire life- you give up control of your house, car, cats, church to God, because there's nothing else you can do, but it also seemed a constant beacon of, I told you there were 3 things you had to give up control over, right yes, that's going to make letting go easier, and then you go, and find yourself on a plane full of asians flying over the pacific ocean.
Most of my friends could not see the teaching thing- I suppose I'm the only one who finds it not only ironic but almost inevitable. On one of the last days of high school there was a conversation about careers, and I had two teachers that I loved tell me how good a teacher I would be, and a couple friends I remember agreed. I thought, oh never! I don't know why. Probably a lot of bias over the US school system, over bureaucracy, but i felt it looming all these years since like a prophecy. Which reminds how important it is, the things that are constantly spoken over people- over me for this trip specifically and I think, wow, what on earth am I going to be doing in korea! it must be amazing and special! And orienting it in a way of its not me but God keeps the head swelling to a minimum but it also directs my purpose, to do whatever He has for me, and whatever He wants. We'll see.
Anyway, ok that felt good. Like there were some thoughts there and some words strung together. Back to the 21st. My dad asking if i needed cash, and saying to have fun, and my mom holding a cat and saying bye! After bearhugging a couple of my besties goodbye, kerry and amber took care of me and ushered me to LAX, paid for parking, paid for a cart, finding out my carryon was 20 lbs over, paid for that, and then sent me off with some waves and laughs through a shortline at security. Where shortly there after i ate a squished tangerine, and forgot my toilettries bag, so imagine my surprise when a very put together attendent came walking down the aisle with it and inquiring. Not only that but someone asked me if i would kindly be so gracious as to sacrfice my middle seat so the mother and daughter could sit together and if I wouldn't mind having to sit in the aisle seat. Ohhh, o-k. Sigh.
I only got emotional a couple times. When Turtle (my 18yrold tortisehair) seemed to say goodbye to me, sort of kills me even now, and when I turned off my phone. That very dramatic internal voice that was saying, IT'S TIME. Of course in order to cancel att they want me to call from that said phone, internationally. Superawesome. But anyway, it all went as planned. I stayed up, watched the Help, ate some bibimbop, reluctantly got up for breakfast and then went back to sleep and we landed. It all seemed very ordinary. And after the jamba juice and resting at the airport i figured out where the express to seoul was and very reluctantly gave up my luggage cart, and sat and tried to figure out what the directions to the hostel actually meant and if i really shouldn't just call it quits and get a cab. I allowed myself brief looks out the window to the dawn lit hills of the northern borders, and it just brought a smile to my face, and i was like, aw, hi korea. Familiar, like touching a soft and favorite fabric. Or maybe a more, we meet at last, aren't you delicious, sort of thing.
love-me.
Next up, the hostel and seoul impressions.
(ps. this is what they did to my yellow umbrella. it was the only thing TSA inspected and even the custom agent was like, excuse me, what's in the box... why my yellow umbrella of course. and the only thing SG commented on, you brought your umbrella? we have plenty of those. no NO YOU DO NOT. you do not have my yellow umbrella. puhlease.)
There's me in the kitchen as my friends become convinced that I absolutely must find somewhere to stay when I get to Seoul. I don't know why it didn't bother me or why I couldn't be bothered. It's possible I'd lost the inability to take on any new information. They were driving me nuts but it was nice to let them do it for me. I think even as I sit here it's a struggle to articulate something that feels like being thrown into a rushing river and defaults me into silence. It's all going by a little too fast, and having been doubled over with waiting for so long- i must still be in that position. It made goodbye easier though. Woo, something is finally happening! And I had become stagnant in everything I love, and things that I liked- lattes, french fries... general depression and restlessness.
Also something i was thinking about yesterday, when God's laid a path for you, it's nothing for you to just walk on it. It doesn't seem radical or crazy. It seems perfectly natural. It's almost hard to waste time trying to explain how obvious it is. Which is probably why I kept thinking, what's all the fuss? What is such a big deal? It's not that far. It's not that long. It's not that much of a change. I will just x-y, and then a-z and that will be that. At a certain point I didn't think I could hold all the love that was being poured out over me at my leaving. I was constantly startled and speechless. I blurted out at a tea on one of the last days that time is gentleness. Which usually and probably never will again feel that sort of thing, but when I think back to teaching overseas out of gradschool and how it seemed too big, too much of everything to now, during a fast, it clicked and I said, yes, without blinking an eye. It's so evident to me of how God has moved me and transformed me. He said, my provision for you is there. And i said, OK. It also blinds you to the obvious recklessness of your position- in bare bones: a random guy that you sort of new in highschool mentions that since you're jobless you should come to teach in koera on FB, having never taught before you say yes after having fasted from meat and sugar for 21 days, because it is clear as the sun setting on the water that's the direction you should go, you spend $300 on fees to do this thing, and then you start talking to strangers on the internet, you apply to a school you've never heard of on a place you've never been, you and they both agree that you should come teach, even though they've never seen you, and don't know if you'll be good but based on a flinty resume and 1 conversation, so you upheave your entire life- you give up control of your house, car, cats, church to God, because there's nothing else you can do, but it also seemed a constant beacon of, I told you there were 3 things you had to give up control over, right yes, that's going to make letting go easier, and then you go, and find yourself on a plane full of asians flying over the pacific ocean.
Most of my friends could not see the teaching thing- I suppose I'm the only one who finds it not only ironic but almost inevitable. On one of the last days of high school there was a conversation about careers, and I had two teachers that I loved tell me how good a teacher I would be, and a couple friends I remember agreed. I thought, oh never! I don't know why. Probably a lot of bias over the US school system, over bureaucracy, but i felt it looming all these years since like a prophecy. Which reminds how important it is, the things that are constantly spoken over people- over me for this trip specifically and I think, wow, what on earth am I going to be doing in korea! it must be amazing and special! And orienting it in a way of its not me but God keeps the head swelling to a minimum but it also directs my purpose, to do whatever He has for me, and whatever He wants. We'll see.
Anyway, ok that felt good. Like there were some thoughts there and some words strung together. Back to the 21st. My dad asking if i needed cash, and saying to have fun, and my mom holding a cat and saying bye! After bearhugging a couple of my besties goodbye, kerry and amber took care of me and ushered me to LAX, paid for parking, paid for a cart, finding out my carryon was 20 lbs over, paid for that, and then sent me off with some waves and laughs through a shortline at security. Where shortly there after i ate a squished tangerine, and forgot my toilettries bag, so imagine my surprise when a very put together attendent came walking down the aisle with it and inquiring. Not only that but someone asked me if i would kindly be so gracious as to sacrfice my middle seat so the mother and daughter could sit together and if I wouldn't mind having to sit in the aisle seat. Ohhh, o-k. Sigh.
I only got emotional a couple times. When Turtle (my 18yrold tortisehair) seemed to say goodbye to me, sort of kills me even now, and when I turned off my phone. That very dramatic internal voice that was saying, IT'S TIME. Of course in order to cancel att they want me to call from that said phone, internationally. Superawesome. But anyway, it all went as planned. I stayed up, watched the Help, ate some bibimbop, reluctantly got up for breakfast and then went back to sleep and we landed. It all seemed very ordinary. And after the jamba juice and resting at the airport i figured out where the express to seoul was and very reluctantly gave up my luggage cart, and sat and tried to figure out what the directions to the hostel actually meant and if i really shouldn't just call it quits and get a cab. I allowed myself brief looks out the window to the dawn lit hills of the northern borders, and it just brought a smile to my face, and i was like, aw, hi korea. Familiar, like touching a soft and favorite fabric. Or maybe a more, we meet at last, aren't you delicious, sort of thing.
love-me.
Next up, the hostel and seoul impressions.
(ps. this is what they did to my yellow umbrella. it was the only thing TSA inspected and even the custom agent was like, excuse me, what's in the box... why my yellow umbrella of course. and the only thing SG commented on, you brought your umbrella? we have plenty of those. no NO YOU DO NOT. you do not have my yellow umbrella. puhlease.)
